In My Life
by All-Knowing-Oracle
Summary: Based on the Beatles song.Series of Mark and Roger's memories from when they meet.Tons of MR friendship.Oneshot


_**In My Life**_

_There are places I'll remember  
All my life though some have changed_

It was the third bench along the path, closest to the tree in Central Park.

Roger Davis was 22 years old, and his rock band, the Well Hungarians, had just split for the first time, resulting in his band/roommate moving out with a very nasty parting.

He was pissed off, and in dire need of a smoke, and the bench he wanted to sit on was being occupied by some scrawny blonde kid. Roger wanted to sit on that bench.

So he joined the kid.

Mark Cohen was a 20 year old college dropout with no money and nowhere to live. Roger learned this within five minutes of meeting the kid. And not five minutes later, Mark was moving in with him.

Roger had just lost a roommate, and Mark had nowhere to live. They were like two puzzle pieces. What one of them lacked, the other one had. They fit.

Every time Roger passed that bench in Central Park, he remembered that day. He remembered making the decision to sit beside the goofy-looking kid with the glasses, he remembered what had been going through his mind. And he was glad he had needed a smoke so badly.

_Some forever not for better  
Some have gone and some remain_

It was the small, dirty club on the corner of Avenue B, with the broken sign.

That's where Roger had first seen April. She was sitting right up in front of the stage where he was performing, gazing up at him with pure admiration. Roger loved it.

After the show, April stayed, watching as Roger joined his roommate at the edge of the stage.

"Hey Roger, good show,"Mark commented as Roger joined him. "The lighting in here was really good too, a lot better than that place we were in last week..."

"Hey Mark, you know that girl?"Roger motioned to the blonde staring at them from her table in the crowd. Mark squinted over at her.

"Uh...no, I don't think so,"he replied. "Well, I think I've seen her around at your gigs before. But I don't know her."

"I think I'm gonna go talk to her,"Roger said, grinning. Mark frowned.

"Are you sure? It's kinda late, and you know Collins doesn't want us staying out all night,"he reminded him.

"You go ahead home then. Tell Collins I'll be there soon."Mark eyed Roger skeptically. "I _swear_."

"Okay,"Mark relented. "But Collins is gonna be pissed..."

Roger and April connected immediately. Within three days they were as serious as a couple that had been together for a year. But Roger and April were like two puzzle pieces that were forced together incorrectly, because they looked like they should fit. And unfortunately, Roger's piece was bent by April's.

_All these places have their moments  
With lovers and friends I still can recall_

It was the alley behind the Life Café, next to the dumpster.

Roger patted Mark's back as he puked relentlessly into the dumpster on the night of his 21st birthday. Roger, Maureen and Collins had spent the entire day dragging Mark around to every bar in the East Village, until he was completely shit-faced and singing a very off-key rendition of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" on the table at the Life Café.

"Jeez Mark, not much of a drinker are you?"Roger remarked, as Mark leaned his head against the dumpster, moaning.

"How'd you guess?"he snapped sarcastically. Roger laughed a little.

"Just a guess, you know, 'cause you hold your alcohol so well,"he teased.

"Fuck you,"Mark growled, shooting Roger a nasty glare. Roger laughed again, ruffling Mark's hair.

"Our little boy's all grown up now,"he said. "So, do you feel like a man?"

"This certainly beats my Bar Mitzvah,"Mark commented. "I didn't get nearly this sick at the end..."Roger grinned.

"Welcome to your _Bohemian _Bar Mitzvah,"he joked, slapping Mark on the back...and jumping back as Mark puked again. Roger winced.

"Man, this hangover's gonna be a bitch..."

It was also the alley behind the Life Café next to the dumpster, in the rain, where Roger shot up for the first time with April.

"Come on, baby...it won't hurt,"April whispered in his ear, as she pulled out the needle and the little package.

"April, I can't,"Roger insisted, pulling away. But April grabbed his arm.

"Please Roger. Just try it."Roger knew you couldn't 'just try' heroine. But he wasn't thinking. He was bewitched by April's intense gaze, and he relented quickly.

"Okay, babe,"he replied softly, rolling up his sleeve and taking a seat beside April.

He knew it was bad. But April did it all the time, and she always seemed so relaxed, so happy, so...free. Roger wanted to be free. He wanted to live like April. He wanted to be cool and relaxed. He wanted to stop worrying about things. He wanted to be happy.

As April jammed the needle into Roger's arm, he remembered Mark's birthday, in that same alley. What would Mark say if he knew what Roger was doing now? Roger found himself feeling guilty as he the drugs entered his veins and began contorting his mind. He knew in a moment he would no longer care about Mark, or anyone. So he made sure to care extra hard in those last few moments...

_Some are dead and some are living  
In my life I've loved them all_

It was the small, off-white tiled bathroom of the loft.

That's where Roger's entire world came crashing down around him one fateful November evening.

"Hey baby! Sorry I'm late, I was meeting with the guys, we're trying to get a gig at that new club on Avenue B,"Roger called into the loft as he entered, tossing his leather jacket onto the torn couch. He walked over to his room, placing his guitar down on the bed before returning to the living room. That's when he realized the loft was strangely silent.

"Hey...April? You here?"he called. April had promised to meet him that afternoon. He looked around the room for a moment, then checked Collins' room. Then he noticed the bathroom door open a crack.

He carefully walked over to the bathroom, pushing the door open.

"Apr-"Roger was cut off by a suddenly sensation of overwhelming sickness. His heart skipped five beats, and he found himself gasping frantically for air as he took in his surroundings.

April lay on the floor, wrists slit beyond recognition. Blood covered every square inch of the floor around her, and her eyes were wide and glazed.

Roger was speechless. He gasped frantically for air as he threw himself down beside April, grabbing her arms, shaking fiercely as he took in what had happened. He grabbed her head, lifting her into his lap, he pressed his lips to hers in an attempt to save her. But it was too late.

That's when he noticed the paper left on the bathtub. He snatched it, staring at it in horror.

_WE'VE GOT AIDS_

Scrawled in huge dark letters were the three words that caused Roger's entire world to stop and crash down around him. He began panting and gasping again, horrible nausea overcoming his entire body. The room was spinning, he dropped the note, he nearly fainted. He was kneeling in a puddle of AIDS-infected blood, holding a dead body, and having a panic attack.

A sob escaped his lips, an awful dry sob. He was gasping and sobbing, tears beginning to stream down his face. His lungs were screeching, he was coughing and crying and moaning all at once. He wanted to be sick.

Mark had been out filming the snowfall in the streets. He sensed something was wrong immediately upon entering the loft. He dropped his camera, running to the bathroom at the sound of Roger's horrible sobs.

"Roger?"He froze when he got to the bathroom door. "_Oh my God_."

Mark was frozen in horror, immense sickness overcoming him as well, and he _did_ get sick all over the hall. Then he took in a deep breath and returned to Roger.

"Oh God...Roger..."He knelt beside his best friend, pulling him in to a hug. Roger was hysterical, and Mark did everything he could to calm him.

Mark managed to pull Roger away from April's body, and hold him back as the EMT's took April's body away. He called Collins and Maureen and Benny, and sat with Roger as they waited for the others. He let Roger fall asleep on his lap that night, and the next morning, he was there holding Roger when he woke up, scared and confused.

"Mark..."Roger croaked. Mark stirred, opening his eyes and staring at Roger.

"Yeah, Roger?"he replied softly.

"Mark, I need your help."Mark sat up straight, staring at Roger carefully.

"You...you do?"he asked. Roger nodded.

"I don't want to end up like April,"Roger whispered, fresh tears filling his eyes. "Oh God, please don't let that happen to me, Mark!"Mark hushed him, pulling him in closer.

"Shh. Don't worry Roger. I won't,"he promised. "You're safe. I'll take care of you."

"Will you help me stop?"Roger pleaded. Mark nodded firmly.

"I'll do everything I can to help you stop."

And Mark helped Roger through a sixth month withdrawal.

Mark was the only person there for Roger throughout the entire withdrawal. He was there every single day, and he put up with the worst Roger had to offer. He put up with the mood swings, with the temper tantrums and the screaming. He even took physical abuse. But he stayed. He never once faltered. He kept his head high, and he kept his faith in Roger.

_But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one compares with you_

It was the cold, dark loft on December 24th, 1989.

That was the first time Roger met Mimi. She came into the loft with a candle, begging him to light it, bewitching him into helping her find her stash, even though Roger had sworn off drugs, and wanted nothing more to do with them.

Roger immediately thought "no" when it came to Mimi.

Roger knew he could never find anyone else who could do what Mark did for him. He knew Mimi could never do anything that would compare to the compassion and loyalty Mark had shown him for those brutal six months of withdrawal. He didn't trust Mimi. He couldn't trust anyone besides Mark.

"Hey, what's this?"Mark had noticed Mimi's invitation of "X-mas Brunch", left on the frosty window of the loft on Christmas morning. Roger sighed, rolling his eyes.

"That girl downstairs,"he muttered.

"Oh, the dancer from the Cat Scratch Club?"Mark asked curiously. He grinned. "You're going, aren't you?"Roger laughed a little.

"No,"he replied. To his surprise, Mark looked disappointed.

"Come on, Roger. You need to get out,"he insisted. "It's not gonna kill you."

"I'm not going, Mark,"Roger persisted. Mark sighed.

"I just don't want you to miss out on something that could be good for you,"he insisted.

"I'll live,"Roger mumbled. But he was considering Mark's words...

Mark wanted Roger to be with Mimi. Mark wanted Roger to get out. Mark always took care of Roger, and he always knew what was best. So Roger listened. He trusted Mark, and he fell for Mimi.

_And these memories lose their meaning  
When I think of love as something new_

Roger fell harder for Mimi than he had expected to. He thought he was just doing it to make Mark happy. To get out again. To have something to keep his mind off of April. But Mimi was special.

Roger, Mimi and Mark were heading out New Year's Eve to meet with their friends in Times Square, walking down the cold streets, bottles of champagne in tow. Mark was holding his camera, of course, and filming Roger and Mimi as they walked arm in arm down the sidewalk.

"What are your New Year's resolutions as a couple?"he inquired, walking backwards so as to film Roger and Mimi completely. Mimi grinned up at Roger, who beamed back.

"Oh, nothing much. Just to keep our relationship as strong as it's been,"Mimi replied.

"And make it stronger, of course,"Roger added, kissing her cheek.

"To change our lives,"Mimi continued.

"To better suit us both,"Roger finished.

"To be together forever!"Mimi cried, getting very caught up in the moment. She and Roger shared a laugh as she purposely bumped into him just to make him chase after her. Mark grinned, putting his camera down as he watched their goofy exchange.

"Hey, there's Angel!"Mimi announced suddenly, dashing ahead to join her friend. Roger gazed after her, smile plastered onto his face. Mark chuckled a little, and Roger turned to him.

"What?"he asked.

"Nothing. I'm just glad to see you so happy again,"Mark admitted. Roger grinned wider.

"Mimi's...amazing,"he replied. "She's so...so energetic. And fun. And caring. Sometimes I can't believe she's really _real_, and I'm really with someone so great."

"Well there's a Hallmark moment,"Mark teased. Roger shrugged.

"She makes me feel good again. I haven't felt this way since April..."Roger trailed off, letting out a deep breath.

"Well, it seems to me like April actually hasn't scarred you too much,"Mark commented. Roger shrugged again.

"Mimi's different. She does things for me April never could. She never makes me feel depressed, or hurt. It's almost like she's erasing all the pain that April caused,"he explained.

"She's not erasing it. She's changing it,"Mark replied. "She's giving you happy memories of things to replace the bad that April left."Roger nodded.

"Yeah...and I like that,"he decided. Mark grinned.

"I'm glad,"he assured him. "See? I told you Mimi was good for you."Roger just punched Mark playfully.

"You dweeb,"he teased as the two joined their friends.

Mimi was like the end piece of a puzzle. She connected to Roger, and also made things definite. It wasn't whimsical with Mimi like it was with April. And it was good for Roger. Mimi replaced all the bad memories April had left with good ones, ones that would make Roger smile and laugh when he looked back.

_Though I know I'll never lose affection  
For people and things that went before_

It was a silent, stark white hospital room filled with the sounds of beeping.

That's where Mimi passed away. It was three days after Christmas 1990, almost a year after Mimi and Roger met. Mimi was suffering from AIDS after living in the park for weeks when Roger left for Santa Fe.

"Mimi...oh God, Mimi I'm so sorry,"Roger whispered as he held Mimi's hand tightly, watching as the life slipped from this once vibrant young woman. Mimi attempted to smile, as she squeezed Roger's hand as tight as she could.

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything,"she croaked.

"I left you, Mimi. How could I have left?"Roger cried, tears beginning to fall from his eyes. Mimi hushed him.

"Shh. No. You set me free, Roger. You made me realize I had something worth living for,"she insisted. "Roger, you helped me so much. Thank you."Roger grinned through his tears, squeezing Mimi's hand.

"You changed my life, Mimi,"he assured her.

"And you saved mine,"Mimi whispered back.

The beeping machine went to flat-line, as Mimi's eyes closed, her body falling limp, breath stopping. Roger clutched her hand tightly, letting his tears fall onto her blankets.

Mark entered the room quietly, and immediately realized what had happened.

"Roger..."He approached his best friend, wrapping his arms around him. Roger melted into Mark's hold, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"She's gone, Mark,"he sniffed. "Mimi's gone."

"But she was here for the better,"Mark pointed out. "Just look at what she did for you. For us. She helped us all, Roger. And it was her time."

"I should have been there. I should have taken care of her,"Roger insisted.

"No. Don't hold yourself responsible. Mimi wouldn't want that,"Mark said softly. Roger broke down crying, and Mark held him close, closing his eyes and sending a silent prayer to Mimi for all her help.

Collins was back at NYU, Maureen and Joanne were trying to sort out their new engagement, and Benny was dealing with his wife, who had learned of his affair. So Mark and Roger were left alone at the loft again.

Mark listened to Roger whenever he needed to talk. Mark would share memories and stories of Mimi when Roger wanted to be happy. Mark would hold Roger in his arms as he cried for April and Mimi. Mark organized Mimi's funeral, with Benny's financial aid. Mark would take Roger to visit Mimi's grave whenever he needed to. Mark was a constant support for as long as Roger needed.

Roger never went into a state of depression after Mimi's death. He had someone to live for. He had someone who lived for him.

_I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life I love you more_

It was Central Park. It was the clubs. It was the Life Café. It was the loft.

As Roger looked back at all the places and defining moments in his life, he realized one common denominator: his best friend, Mark.

Roger had Mark. He always had, and he always would. Throughout all his best and worst moments, he had Mark to help him, hold him, encourage him, advise him. All the places in Roger's life brought him back to Mark.

Mark and Roger were the pieces that fit to make the center of the puzzle. Roger would always have someone to love, and someone who loved him. He would never be without reason to keep going. All Roger's memories brought him back to Mark, no matter where the place, no matter what the time, no matter what the situation.

Roger had loved many people and many places in his life.

But Roger would always love Mark the most of all.

_Though I know I'll never lose affection __For people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life I love you more  
In my life I love you more

* * *

_**A/N: This is an idea I've had for a while, because I think this song fits Mark and Roger's friendship so well. It's a little dramatic, I know, but I just loved the idea of the song connecting to them.**

**Pools-of-sorrow: I think it goes without saying that this story is dedicated to you and your immense love of The Beatles. And also to our friendship, of course. :-)**


End file.
